Dr Lee Kingma
Exploring Strategies for Managing Stress and Building Resilience
As part of his highly inspiring leadership legacy Nelson Mandela said, “Do not judge me by my successes, judge me by how many times I fell and got back up.”
At New Life Portugal we base our counselling and coaching programs on a combination of well researched psychodynamic theories of neuro psychology, proven psychological and coaching frameworks and the wisdom of teachers and writers from diverse cultural philosophies.
The brain and resilience - Neuroscience of Resilience
Firstly, how do people cope with unfathomably challenging circumstances and come out the other side with their spirits and integrity intact (when I get disoriented just trying to meet a friend for dinner at a new restaurant and have been known to cry when my computer crashes) and secondly what can brain science teach us about strengthening the capacities of resilience from the bottom-up – at the level of neurons firing in new patterns that promote flexibility in the face of change.
Dan Siegel, M.D., founder of the discipline of interpersonal neurobiology (how the development of the brain is kindled, shaped, conditioned and matured by mindful empathic relationships) created a model of nine functions of the prefrontal cortex. The prefrontal cortex is far and away the single most integrative structure of the brain for supporting resilience; it is considered by some neuropsychologists to be an “evolutionary masterpiece.”
The prefrontal cortex (PFC) integrates information vertically, horizontally, and temporally:
Vertically – linking bottom up information from body sensations and the limbic system (the emotional engine of brain) with top down processing involving memory (conscious and unconscious), attention, motivation, planning, judgment, and behavior.
Horizontally – connecting the different modes of processing of the right and left hemispheres of the brain
Temporally – integrating experiences from the past, present and future to create a coherent narrative of who we are and how our life makes sense.
In Dr. Siegel’s model, the PFC accomplishes this regulation in nine ways:
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Regulating of the autonomic nervous systemStaying calm and engaged
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Quelling the fear response
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Regulate emotionsResilience is not blocked by fear or shame
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AttunementThe felt sense of another’s experience, someone else “getting” ours
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EmpathyYou know what I know, and I know that you know
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Response flexibilityPause, options, evaluate options, appropriate decision
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InsightSelf-awareness
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IntuitionThe “gut” feeling
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Morality
Resilience in a psychological context
In every instance of family, organizational, or cultural progress, the fundamental unit of change is the individual. Hope and resiliency provides a path toward whatever good the future may hold. Without having sufficient hope or resiliency, vast amounts of external resources can be poured into what is essentially a vacuum of despair and surrender. People who are persuaded to believe in themselves put forth greater effort, which increases the probability of success.
The American Psychological Association published the following information for people wishing to build their muscle of heightened resilience.
Resilience is the process of ‘bouncing back’ in the face of stressful life experiences: adversity, trauma, tragedy, threats or significant sources of stress — such as family and relationship problems, serious health problems or workplace and financial stressors.
The trick is to differentiate between anxiety and or fear caused by a single traumatic incident, and the fear and anxiety caused by everyday life situations. The former is typically dramatic and severe and needs a process of grieving. The latter is often self-inflicted and may require the development of coping mechanisms.
Being resilient does not mean that individuals do not experience difficulty or distress. Emotional pain and sadness are common in people who have suffered major adversity or trauma in their lives. In fact, the road to resilience is likely to involve considerable emotional anguish.
Resilience is not a trait that people either have or do not have, although some people cope better with adversity than others. Resilience involves behaviors, thoughts and actions that can be learned and developed in anyone – it can thus be viewed as a learned skill.
Factors in Resilience
A combination of factors contributes to resilience. Many studies show that the primary factor in resilience is having caring and supportive relationships within and outside the family. Relationships that create love and trust, provide role models and offer encouragement and reassurance help bolster a person’s resilience.
Several additional factors are associated with resilience, including:
- The capacity to make realistic plans and take steps to carry them out.
- A positive view of yourself and confidence in your strengths and abilities.
- Skills in communication and problem solving.
- The capacity to manage strong feelings and impulses.
All of these are factors, that people can develop in themselves.
Strategies for Building Resilience
Developing resilience is a personal journey. People do not all react the same to traumatic and stressful life events. An approach to building resilience that works for one person might not work for another. People use varying strategies.
Some variation may reflect cultural differences. A person’s culture might have an impact on how he or she communicates feelings and deals with adversity — for example, whether and how a person connects with significant others, including extended family members and community resources. With growing cultural diversity, people have a greater access to a number of different approaches to building resilience.
Some or many of the ways to build resilience in the following pages may be appropriate to consider in developing your personal strategy.
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Make connections.Good relationships with close family members, friends or others are important. Accepting help and support from those who care about you and will listen to you strengthens resilience. Some people find that being active in civic groups, faith-based organizations, or other local groups provides social support and can help with reclaiming hope. Assisting others in their time of need also can benefit the helper.
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Avoid seeing crises as insurmountable problems.You can’t change the fact that highly stressful events happen, but you can change how you interpret and respond to these events. Try looking beyond the present to how future circumstances may be a little better. Note any subtle ways in which you might already feel somewhat better as you deal with difficult situations.
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Accept, that change is a part of living.Certain goals may no longer be attainable as a result of adverse situations. Accepting circumstances that cannot be changed can help you focus on circumstances that you can alter.
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Move toward your goals.Develop some realistic goals. Do something regularly — even if it seems like a small accomplishment — that enables you to move toward your goals. Instead of focusing on tasks that seem unachievable, ask yourself, “What’s one thing I know I can accomplish today that helps me move in the direction I want to go?”
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Take decisive actions.Act on adverse situations as much as you can. Take decisive actions, rather than detaching completely from problems and stresses and wishing they would just go away.
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Look for opportunities for self-discovery.People often learn something about themselves and may find that they have grown in some respect because of their struggle with loss. Many people who have experienced tragedies and hardship have reported better relationships, greater sense of strength even while feeling vulnerable, increased sense of self-worth, a more developed spirituality and heightened appreciation for life.
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Nurture a positive view of yourself.Developing confidence in your ability to solve problems and trusting your instincts helps build resilience.
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Keep things in perspective.Even when facing very painful events, try to consider the stressful situation in a broader context and keep a long-term perspective. Avoid blowing the event out of proportion.
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Maintain a hopeful outlook.An optimistic outlook enables you to expect that good things will happen in your life. Try visualizing what you want, rather than worrying about what you fear.
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Take care of yourself.Pay attention to your own needs and feelings. Engage in activities that you enjoy and find relaxing. Exercise regularly. Taking care of yourself helps to keep your mind and body primed to deal with situations that require resilience.
Additional ways of strengthening resilience may be helpful.
For example, some people write about their deepest thoughts and feelings related to trauma or other stressful events in their life. Meditation and spiritual practices help some people build connections and restore hope.
The key is to identify ways that are likely to work well for you as part of your own personal strategy for fostering resilience.
Focusing on past experiences and sources of personal strength can help you learn about what strategies for building resilience might work for you. By exploring answers to the following questions about yourself and your reactions to challenging life events, you may discover how you can respond effectively to difficult situations in your life.
Consider the following:
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What kinds of events have been most stressful for me?
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How have those events typically affected me?
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Have I found it helpful to think of important people in my life when I am distressed?
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To whom have I reached out for support in working through a traumatic or stressful experience?
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What have I learned about myself and my interactions with others during difficult times?
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Have I been able to overcome obstacles, and if so, how?
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Has it been helpful for me to assist someone else going through a similar experience?
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What has helped make me feel more hopeful about the future?
Resilience involves maintaining flexibility and balance in your life as you deal with stressful circumstances and traumatic events. This happens in several ways, including:
Letting yourself experience strong emotions, and also realizing when you may need to avoid experiencing them at times in order to continue functioning.
Stepping forward and taking action to deal with your problems and meet the demands of daily living, and also stepping back to rest and reenergize yourself.
Spending time with loved ones to gain support and encouragement, and also nurturing yourself.
Relying on others, and also relying on yourself.
In Japan, the Daruma Doll is a good luck charm with a rounded bottom. When knocked down, it bounces back upright. This ability to bounce back is a symbol of perseverance and good luck. The doll is modelled after Bodhidharma, a Buddhist monk who founded Zen about 15 centuries ago. Legend has it he mediated for nine years without moving until his legs and arms atrophied and fell off. Many Buddhist temples sell dolls without eyes for goal setting. The purchaser paints one eye in when he or she has set a goal. Once the goals is attained the other eye is painted in.
Is failure:
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Temporary or permanent?
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An experience or who we are?
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Something to be learned from or crushed by?
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Traumatizing or growth inducing?
The Buddhist teachings are fabulous at simply working with what’s happening as your path of awakening, rather than treating your life experiences as some kind of deviation from what is supposed to be happening. The more difficulties you have, in fact, the greater opportunity there is to let them transform you. The difficult things provoke all your irritations and bring your habitual patterns to the surface. And that becomes the moment of truth. You have the choice to launch into the lousy habitual patterns you already have, or to stay with the rawness and discomfort of the situation and let it transform you, on the spot.
Pema Chodron
We all accept that no one controls the weather. Good sailors learn to read it carefully and respect its power. They will avoid storms if possible, but then caught in one, they know when to take down the sails, batten down the hatches, drop anchor and ride things out, controlling what is controllable and letting go of the rest. Training, practice, and a lot of firsthand experience in all sorts of weather are required to develop such skills so that they work for you when you need them. Developing skill in facing and effectively handling the various “weather conditions” in your life is what we mean by the art of conscious living.
Jon Kabat-Zinn
